Harmful Funeral Tributes
Why we should avoid balloons, doves, and butterflies at memorial services
Funerals Are Full of Symbolic Acts
Our ceremonial rituals represent change, separation, and faith. They honor the deceased and allow the living to say goodbye. We send our best wishes with the deceased as they depart for the hereafter. It’s all bittersweet feel-good stuff to bring us closure when the life celebration concludes.
Popular symbolic tributes like balloon, dove, and butterfly releases are a beautiful gesture that leave attendees with a sense of peace and hope.
HOWEVER…
It’s high time we recognize that these lovely sentimental acts have a dark side. Let’s explore why these seemingly innocent tributes are problematic and discover less harmful alternatives.
AVOID: Dove Releases
Doves are a symbol of peace, hope, purity, freedom of spirit, and ascent to heaven. Sounds perfect, right? Not so much, after you look a little deeper.
First, the birds are not doves. They’re pigeons. That’s not necessarily a deal breaker, but it’s a tiny bit deceptive. Using real doves is unethical because they’re small and fairly weak flyers.
Professional “dove” releasers use white homing pigeons, usually domestic rock doves. They’re a little bigger than actual doves, are stronger flyers, and are better at navigation. No one wants pigeons that look like pigeons though, so they’re purposely bred to be all white. This isn’t a naturally occurring white bird, as white pigeons in the wild stick out too much and get eaten.
These homing pigeons, in the care of an ethical trainer, are carefully taught how to return home starting at about 10 weeks old. They begin with short local flights and work up to a distance of 500+ miles. How are they able to find their way home from strange new places?
Short answer: natural animal magic. Long answer: theories include the ability to sense the earth’s magnetic field with tiny magnetic tissues in their head, an internal clock and compass using the position of the sun, nocturnal navigation by stars, visual landmark maps, infrasound maps, and olfactory stimuli.
So… magic.
Unfortunately, amateurs and non-ethical people sometimes use white Ringneck doves and King pigeons. These birds are set free only to die. They have no homing instinct whatsoever. They’re domesticated and cannot survive in the wild. After wandering around, lost and scared, they die from dehydration and starvation. These poor birds can also suffer from parasitic infections and diseases. Releasing store bought birds in a misguided attempt to save or free them actually condemns them to a horrible death.
Professionally trained homing pigeons stand a better chance of making it back safely, but casualties happen. I’ve seen a funeral attendee hold a bird too tightly, crushing it to death. Also, many cemeteries are home to predatory birds like hawks. Ask yourself about the symbolism of releasing a dove (carrying your loved one’s soul to heaven), only to watch it get snatched out of the air and torn apart. Is that the memory you want? Even the Pope has had his dove release ruined by an aggressive seagull and crow.
Think about it before hiring a service that exploits animals and risks their injury or death to honor your loved one.
AVOID: Butterfly Releases
Well, birds are out. So how about butterflies instead?
Sorry. No.
Butterflies are mass produced by breeders and shipped in flat little envelopes. Sometimes they’re put on ice to keep them dormant during transit. Many die on route, either from exposure or being crushed. The ones who survive emerge weak and disoriented. They’re suddenly in an unfamiliar environment, possibly in the wrong season or climate. They can’t find food. They may even be too weak to flutter away from the funeral they’re supposed to be “performing” at.
Mass production of monarchs allows diseases to spread to native monarch populations. Crossbreeding of native and non-native species can have unexpected negative results. Releasing monarchs too far from their home inhibits their migratory instincts. Despite the arguments of butterfly sellers, butterfly experts and conservationists unanimously agree that releases are harmful and a long-lasting form of environmental pollution.
How heartbreaking would it be for your beautiful butterfly ceremony to actually contribute to the decline of the species?! And how disturbing would it be for your guests trying to release dead or dying butterflies?
An interesting note - one of the dove release websites I visited during research included this in their FAQ:
Do you provide butterfly releases too?
No. Our birds are true performers, enjoy a pampered life, and are rewarded for their efforts. However beautiful butterflies may be, they can never be more than kidnap victims forced to spend a part of their short lives in captivity and far from home. Often butterflies are delivered injured and, unable to fend for themselves, fly away to an early death.
Just don’t do it, ok?
AVOID: Balloon Releases
Note: after writing this, it has come to my attention that balloon releases are popular in many communities of color. This post isn't targeting or judging those communities specifically. The overall point is to recognize that sometimes our choices have repercussions we're unaware of, and that once we've been educated, we can seek meaningful alternatives.
Sending a colorful mass of balloons up into the sky and watching them float out of sight certainly looks magnificent. It’s even more meaningful when personal messages are included with each balloon. You can almost envision your message making it to The Great Beyond and communicating your sentiments to your loved one.
The reality of this “out of sight, out of mind” tribute is harsh. Nothing good happens after the balloons float away.
Before they make it up to the clouds, foil Mylar balloons can easily wrap themselves around power lines and cause outages or spark fires. It’s not a good look. Don’t be the guy that ruins electricity for an entire neighborhood. Besides power lines, the strings can tangle in trees or wrap around bird necks, legs, and beaks.
Next stop: the farm. Balloons in fields get sucked up by machinery and processed into hay bales. The poor unwitting livestock eat it and either choke or get intestinal blockages and starve to death. Balloons on the property also have a devastating effect on horses. The balloons can spook them, causing them to flee into barbed wire or metal fencing. The broken bones and other injuries are often fatal. You can see countless examples online under the hashtag #stopballoonreleases. Ranchers and farmers are begging people to stop.
If the balloon gets blown out to sea, even travelling thousands of miles to get there, it can have equally severe consequences. Seabirds, whales, dolphins, and fish are at risk of entanglement or blockages. Turtles commonly mistake balloons for yummy jellies. These creatures suffer a slow death by starvation.
What if you’re using biodegradable latex balloons? Doesn’t matter. That’s essentially a marketing gimmick. The balloons still take years to decompose, which leaves plenty of time for killing wildlife. Plus, the ribbons attached aren’t environmentally friendly and have a terrible impact on animals too.
Besides being dangerous litter, helium balloons are wasteful. Helium is a non-renewable resource. We need to be more responsible with it and save it for more important applications in medicine, scientific research, and space exploration.
Stop putting trash in the sky, because what goes up must come down.
AVOID: Lantern Releases
Glowing lanterns, gently floating into the night sky (a la Rapunzel in Tangled) are breathtakingly magical. Unfortunately, they’re not a better option than balloons. In case you’re unfamiliar, a sky lantern is like a tiny hot air balloon made of paper with a small fire suspended inside it.
Ideally, the fire is supposed to extinguish before it sinks back to earth. That’s not always the case. Sky lanterns have caused major wildfires, plus serious fires at a plastic recycling plant (3 days and 200 firefighters) and a zoo (dozens of animals killed). Who would have guessed that sending an unattended fire into the air could turn out badly?
Even after the danger of fire has passed, the remains of the lanterns are hazardous. Inside are wire or bamboo frames, which take a long time to break down. Animals die from eating them or getting entangled. The wires are like razor blades to their throats, stomachs, and intestines. Again, a horrific and painful death. Oh, and a lantern sucked into the jet engine of a plane could be disastrous.
Some other unusual problems attributed to sky lanterns: they cause false alarms for the Coastguard (thinking that they’re distress signals), and people sometimes report them as UFO sightings.
Awww, So Everything is Horrible?
Not necessarily. I’ve collected some alternatives below, with varying degrees of eco consciousness. Some of them can be distributed as mementos, while others are activities that funeral guests can take part in. Many can be personalized or customized to suit your needs. Whether you’re going for a “green” solution or not, having less of a negative impact on living creatures is always a win. It’s also a lot more guilt-free knowing that your celebration of life isn’t causing harm or loss.
Consider these alternative tributes:
· Bubble release—just as magical as balloons! Not only do you see thousands of bubbles in a shimmery cloud ascending to heaven, blowing them makes you breathe deeply and exhale. That’s a good thing. You can even go the extra mile and prepare a batch of non-toxic eco-friendly bubble juice. There are ways to avoid using lots of plastic too. I’d also recommend supplementing with a bubble machine and/or a few giant bubble wands.
· Biodegradable confetti—want to throw something up in the air? Make sure it won’t be harmful trash after it lands. Use flower petals or leaves, either fresh or dried. You can use a shaped hole punch to create something special. Confetti could be a nice touch during a ceremony scattering cremated remains. Petals floating on water are a peaceful memory to keep. Birdseed or flower seeds are an option too, just make sure they’re appropriate for your local environment.
· Flowers and earth—during a cemetery burial, there’s sometimes an opportunity to place a flower on top of the casket. Guests can be invited to pull a flower from an arrangement and lay it down with a silent prayer or thought. If the casket has been lowered into the grave, some cemeteries allow you to shovel or toss a handful of earth in. This is often a religious tradition and should be accommodated.
· Messages—instead of sending a note to heaven via balloon, use special paper plus earth, water, or fire. Plantable seed paper is recycled paper material embedded with wildflower or veggie seeds. Write a message on it, then plant it and enjoy watching new life bloom. Quick dissolve rice paper can be written on and then released into water. Flying wish paper is written on, curled into a tube, then lit on fire. The paper is consumed in 6-8 seconds, and rises into the air for a brief moment before falling back down as cool ash. It’s allegedly safe enough to do indoors. For extra bonus points, you can use a biodegradable ink on these papers.
· Plant something—you can plant a tree in someone’s memory, whether you do it yourself or donate to a cause. Distribute seed packets to your guests (use native species!) and create new life in your loved one’s honor. If you skipped the butterfly release because of its cruelty, you can use this opportunity to grow butterfly friendly flowers and attract them to your garden naturally.
· Paint kindness rocks—maybe gardening isn’t your “thing.” How about painting small flat stones to hide for strangers to find? You can paint bright, colorful images or a short sentiment wishing the finder a good day. Include your loved one’s name (in memory of) or a hashtag in case someone finds it and snaps a photo. Leave the rocks in proper places, as they’re prohibited in some nature parks (and Disneyland). Here’s some tips.
· Casket notes—during an open casket service or viewing, ask guests to write a message and send it along with your loved one. If the casket is closed, you can distribute Sharpies and allow guests to write messages directly on the casket. It’s an interesting choice that really resonates with a younger crowd.
· Memory cards—along similar lines, provide guests with pen and paper and ask them to share their best memories for you to keep. They can be private, or you can read them aloud during the service.
· Candlelight vigil—pretty self-explanatory, just keep it safe. Here are some tips. You can also make luminaries, which are decorated paper bags weighted with sand or rice and illuminated by a tea light. Here’s how to create them. Bonus: use LED tea lights or candles to avoid fire hazards.
· Clothing—ask your guests to wear a particular color or type of clothing that has meaning for your loved one. Maybe a uniform or costume. There are no rules about having to dress in formal black suits. You can also arrange for custom made memorial shirts.
· Fundraisers and drives—do something positive in your loved one’s honor. Either perform a good deed or bring awareness to a cause. Organize or participate in a race/walk, a game night, a march, a book drive, a food drive, or whatever touches on something your loved one cared about.
· Virtual balloon release—wait, this is a thing?! It IS! Though it’s pricy, there’s a company that organizes virtual balloon races as fundraisers. When you “buy a balloon,” you get to customize its colors and design. Then you change various flight parameters (helium content, shape, and thickness) to get a competitive edge. The virtual balloons are released online and are monitored for seven days. During that time, real weather conditions feed into an algorithm and determine the constantly changing flight paths for each balloon. The balloon that travels the farthest wins!
So now you have plenty of options to choose from that don’t inflict harm. Hopefully, you can find a middle ground that satisfies your family and cultural requirements. Be sure to seek ethical products whenever possible (full disclosure: the links I provided above are examples. I’m not necessarily endorsing those particular companies).
What If It’s Too Late?
If you’ve already done some something on the naughty list, don’t fret. “Know better, do better.” Help educate others about why they should avoid releasing balloons, doves, and butterflies.
That said, PLEASE do not approach the bereaved AT THE FUNERAL and tell them off for killing the environment. There’s a time and a place for this conversation. The cemetery is not it. Either you’ll make them feel terrible and guilty, or they’ll come at you from a place of understandable but misdirected anger. Grieving people aren’t in a position to care about worldly issues. Their whole life has been shattered, so why should they be concerned about anything else? Keep your mouth shut.
Choice vs Impact
Tl;dr: Other than the areas that have banned certain kinds of tributes, it’s up to our good judgement to celebrate our loved ones responsibly. Is the solace we get from a balloon/dove/butterfly release enough to justify the damage? In the moment, it’s difficult to weigh the selfish demands of grief against distant repercussions. Think about it now, before you’re blinded by emotion.
Hopefully, your loved one leaves a positive impact on people’s lives rather than a harmful impact on creatures and the environment.
Can you think of any other tributes to avoid or consider? Drop a comment below!
Sources and Additional Info
Wiki: Dove releases and issues
Article: “Releasing Doves At Ceremonies: Why You Shouldn’t Do It”
Article: “What Happens When Doves Get Released”
Article: “Dove Releases and Other Animal Abuse at Weddings”
Article: “Why Dove Releases Are Cruel”
Article: “Don’t Release Doves At Your Wedding”
Wiki: Balloon releases and issues
Website: Balloons Blow - Don’t Let Them Go
Article: “Balloon Releases Have Deadly Consequences – We’re Helping Citizen Scientists Map Them”
Wiki: Sky lantern releases and issues
Article: “Rethinking The Celebration: The Not-So-Beautiful Aftermath of Sky Lanterns and Balloons”
Article: “10 Eco-Friendly Alternatives to a Memorial Balloon Launch”
Embarrassingly, even funeral professionals can still be behind the times. Here’s a post from Funeral Basics encouraging literally every single tribute I’ve called out! Balloons, butterflies, doves, and lanterns!
Veteran funeral director, embalmer, and lifelong bookworm, Louise finally found her purpose: educating and entertaining strangers on the internet about dead bodies and funerals.
Her blog, Read In Peace, combines her passion to educate with fun and humor. She shares tips and useful information about death and funerals, along with lighthearted “dissections” of related books and movies.
Louise is currently working on her first book, a nonfiction guide called Embalming For Amateurs.